By: Cucan Pemo
Marriages can have troubled times. Maybe it’s because of infidelity or the quiet drifting apart of a long-term marriage – in any case when your marriage is having tough times, you need help to make things right again.
However, not everyone has the resources or the time to seek professional help. The good news is that you can fix your relationship without a therapist, though you might need a therapist in the future.
For now, you have each other
When you’re hitting a rough spot in your marriage, it’s time to talk about why you want to save the marriage first. Sit down with your partner and start to discuss things that are keeping your together and memories that remind you of better times.
You might want to sit down with photo albums and journals to talk about the times when you used to laugh when you used to be happy. Many times, this simple exercise can help to put your current problems into perspective and help to put you on a positive path to a healthy relationship.
Make a promise
Too many times, we are afraid to make promises to our partner because we’re afraid that we won’t be able to follow through, that we won’t be able to be perfect in everything we do.
However, the truth is that no one is perfect – we can only try our best. If you’re in a hard spot with your marriage, you will want to make a promise to each other that you will do the best that you can to make things better between the both of you.
Promise to do whatever it takes and that you will give all of your free time and attention to fixing whatever has been broken. And then stick to that promise.
Realize that you’re not going to be perfect
Even in therapy, couples aren’t perfect at rebuilding their relationship. Things go wrong, life can throw curveballs, and people can make mistakes – you will not always do everything right. But what matters is that you try to move toward doing what’s best for your relationship.
To go into fixing your marriage, thinking that everything is going to be easy and without flaws is just not realistic.
Try to do the best that you can, but forgive yourself and forgive your spouse when you’re not able to choose the right thing. It’s how you recover and learn from these mistakes that will make your marriage stronger in the end.
Set aside some time to work on your relationship
You will need to set up some time in which you can work through your problems and your issues. Much like traditional therapy, you might want to schedule appointments with each other to have time to talk.
Try to make this time as uninterruptible as possible so that you’re not distracted by anything else – so that you can focus on your marriage.
You might want to set up time away from your living space to bring a new perspective to your discussions. Maybe heading out for a hike or to a spa for a day will help you both change your feelings about whatever you are talking about – and help you resolve it.
You don’t have to do what everyone else has done
Your relationship needs specific tools to be fixed, but the way that works for you might not be the way that works for everyone else.
This is why communicating with each other is so important. When you’re able to talk honestly about your feelings and your needs, you will be able to create plans that make sense for the way that you want things to work out.
Your methods might not be ‘normal,’ but if they’re making your relationship happier and healthier, it only matters what works.
Get the tools
But nothing is stopping you from looking at the writings of therapists and other experienced authors. Bookstores have sections devoted to healing marriages and getting past any number of relationship battles.
In a pinch, you can also head to the library for a free assortment of self-help tools. The point is that you find something that works for you and your relationship, so it might take time to find the right book.